A Nice "Check" Off My Bucket List!

Check. Ahhh (big smile that extends through my soul), one more marked off my Bucket List. Euphoria. Walking around without my feet touching the ground. Feeling like there is pure joy and happiness to be found in life -- a happiness that balances out all of the hard, yucky stuff. A high that can’t be touched by any drug. A treasured memory that can be replayed at will, for as long as I exist.

My post on facebook:

Bucket List: Where a dream + an opportunity = a reality :-D

People have been asking what I “checked” off my list. How do I protect that fragile memory, without someone crushing it with a simple, “Oh, is that all?!” So, I would like to put this Bucket List item into perspective, before I tell you what it is. Some smarty-pants out there may get it from the first sentence of my description. Others, who may not appreciate my long cerebral dialogue, have my permission to skip to the end for the answer (you're going to miss some good stuff though!)

Ten years ago (May 2001) I was watching the season finale of the TV show Alley McBeal. In the show, the main characters walked into a bar where a young man was singing, “You’re Still You”, in a delicious baritone voice. I was blown away, I thought, “Wow, I would love to see this young man sing in person someday!” Thus the journey began, but it was more of a "longing" than a "Bucket List item".

The years passed, and I kept seeing this artist pop up on TV, singing with the likes of Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli (which have both previously been checked off my Bucket List). My two children were babies during those years, making it hard to go to concerts. We had no one to leave them with for so long and so late into the evening. Funny thing, when something you want keeps eluding you, it makes you want it even more (smile).

In 2006 when he released his album entitled Awake, I was smitten. I listened to it over, and over again. To see him in concert was bumped up to a “Bucket List” item. Buttttttttt, at that time period, everyone else seemed to have the same idea. So, when his concert tour hit our area, the tickets sold out immediately. Sigh. I relinquished myself into waiting until the next time he went on tour.

Two years went by -- I watched, and waited. No tour. Another year went by, and I began to give up. I still saw him perform on TV, and make guest appearances on shows like Oprah, Ellen Degeneres, Larry King Live, Rosie O’Donnell, 20/20, and Glee (just to mention a few). So, I knew he was still out there, but why wasn’t he going on tour? Why wasn’t he releasing another album?

When my husband got cancer in September 2009, all Bucket List items were abandoned. Getting him better was the focus of attention, everything else was a luxury. Life has been a blur since then, trying to recover from the shell shock of that nine month battle. My husband is now remission. I am enjoying a life without constant fear, and one that allows for dreams again. And yes, that year passed by with no concert.

Okay, fast forward to a week ago. I was cruising through facebook, seeing what my friends were up to. One friend posted she was going to a Michael Bublé concert that evening. Cool. Another friend responded that she was going to see The Artist I have wanted to see for the past TEN YEARS in concert the following week! What?? He was going to be in concert here, and I didn’t know about it? Why hadn’t I heard anything? Oh yeah, I’m too busy taking care of my kids. First I felt a big sigh of resolution, and then panic gripped me. How was I going to make this happen? How was I going to get tickets, when the last time his concert sold out immediately? With the concert just days away, what were my odds? "Not very good," I thought to myself.

Four long years I had waited since his last concert, if I missed this one, how many more years would I have to wait? It was too late to try and buy tickets from eBay or Craig’s List. So, hubby and I decided to take a risk (dreams sometimes require that you know!) The night of the concert we went two hours early to HP Pavilion Box Office to see if anyone turned in any unsold tickets. We waited. The situation looked more impossible by the moment. The show time came . . . and it went. Minutes after the show had started, the man in the ticket booth anxiously called us over (he knew how much I wanted to see this concert). With a big smile he told us some front-stage-left tickets had just been turned in, "Would we like to buy them?" Yeeeesssss!!!

So, my dream finally met up with an opportunity, and it became a reality. The air inside the arena was saturated with mouthwatering music . . . my breath caught in my throat. You see, living a dream often does that to you. I could almost touch his voice in the air, as the sound waves washed over me and danced with my soul. A reality that made a welcomed "check" on my Buck List. To finally see this amazing, talented voice of an angel perform live . . . oh, his name? JOSH GROBAN!

Sooo, if you want to make fun of my Bucket List item, please don’t tell me, because I am still on a high. What’s next on the list? Hmmm, only opportunity will tell . . . . (smile). As they say, it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

P.S. Some fun side notes of the concert. This was the only concert I have ever been to where I saw a Nun in the audience! And, considering how slow Josh often sings the words to his songs, I had no idea he talked sooo super fast, and had such a quick, comedic wit. I also didn’t know he was such an accomplished pianist as well as one wicked drummer! To see the drum solo we saw (but at a different concert location), go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUJUn0GXzBs

He also played a beautiful song from his new album Illuminations called "Bells of New York City". Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39TUCMPmVVM&ob=av2e

In the concert Josh told us at the young age of 17 his vocal coach introduced him to the Grammy award winning music producer/arranger David Foster. Josh began working as a rehearsal singer for Foster. In 1999 he was ask to stand in for Andrea Bocelli to rehears Foster’s “The Prayer” with Celine Dion. See this fun recount of the story, and the duet at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbviXG_56ss&feature=related

Here is a video clip I took that evening -- Josh Groban singing Neil Diamond's "Play Me":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUN-ZW-aTZs

Nature, Life's Best Medicine!

I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order.
~John Burroughs

Photos I took driving home from Henry W. Coe State Park one winter's evening.
(Click photos to enlarge.)

For more information about this beautiful park, go to:
http://www.coepark.org/

If I Were to Rule the World

What to throw away and what to keep? That is always a very difficult question for me. I would keep everything that remotely has any sentimental value if I could! Maybe it is because I feel that I don’t have many close relationships in my life, so those that I have, I treasure with every breath. Often “things” remind me of those priceless relationships. And that is where I get into trouble; there is not enough room in my house to keep every “thing” (i.e. ticket stub, program, special little gift, my child’s crayon drawings, etc.) Hmmm, I’m sure there is probably some psychological term for what I have.

Soooo, I was weeding through a stack of my son’s old school papers recently, trying to make more space up in our attic. The box I was going through had his school papers from 2009, when he was in 7th Grade. As I glanced through the numerous papers that still smelled like school, I ran into this jewel, a poem he wrote in English. I love this poem, because it captures the essence of who he was at age 13. Before I share this, I will give you a bit of background information to help you understand the poem better:

1. We had moved our son to a new middle school that year because his grades had dropped so much at his last school. He really didn’t like being at this new school and hated feeling the consequences of life.

2. He really didn’t like this English teacher.

3. He has always been a child that wanted to be an adult “now!” Thus, there were often power struggles between him and his teachers or parents—especially regarding homework.

4. He thought I watched too much Oprah on TV!

5. He was frustrated that we were only a one-income family (I was a stay-at-home-mom at that time) and he wished we more money to buy all the fancy toys so many of his other friends had. (But he did agree, having me home was better than having the extra money for the toys.)

6. My husband and I were older when we had him. I often felt a tinge of sadness from him that we were older and often more tired than his friend’s younger parents.

So, with that explanation, here is my 13 year old son's poem.

If I Were to Rule the World

If I were in charge of the world,
I’d cancel class, essays, English assignments,
And also pointless talk shows.

If I were in charge of the world,
There’d be reduced school,
Immense forests,
And pennies would be thicker than nickels.

If I were in charge of the world,
You wouldn’t have slow drivers.
You wouldn’t have people grow old.
You wouldn’t have green food.
Or, you wouldn’t have people telling you to say “thank-you”.
You wouldn’t even have manners.

If I were in charge of the world,
A bike would be an automobile.
All taxes would be paid by the government.
And a person who sometimes forgot to do something you’re expected to do,
And sometimes forgot to go straight to their seat when told to,
Would still be allowed to be
In Charge of the World.

The child that wrote this poem is now gone. He has been replaced by a very confident, charming 15 year old young man. Someone that has over the past two and a half years learned the rules of this world-- to become more in charge of his world. Amazing how much a just couple of years can make.

This poem will now go back in the box that lives up in the attic. I wonder when I pull it out next time, how much more of a difference I will see in my son? Whatever the changes are, I know I will always love him for who he is.

Finding the Right Music for an Elementary School Promotion Ceremony

The elementary school my children attended
(the big building in the middle with the turquoise blue overhang).

I am still feeling torn about writing a blog, so I thought I would make a rather random post while I was still trying to decide.

This past June I was asked to put together a thirty minute slide show for my daughter’s 5th Grade Promotion Ceremony (next year her class is off to middle school). I guess my daughter’s teacher saw I carried a camera wherever I went when I volunteered to help with activities and field trips throughout the school year. Ha, she didn’t know it was because of my paranoia of time flying by too fast to hold onto. I take as many photos as I can to capture a record of those special moments -- a way for me to prove I was young once, and so were my children :-)

I had tons of photos from the past school year, but the hardest part of making the slide show was coming up with the background music. Although there are many catchy tunes on the radio, most of the lyrics are inappropriate for ten to eleven year old children. I had a really hard time finding thirty minutes worth of music that fit the occasion and still seemed youthful enough for the kids to enjoy. In the end I came up with a compromise, a few pieces of music that I loved and a couple that my daughter liked. I tried to choose music that captured the spirit of graduating, moving on in life, and saying goodbye to old friends.

Here is a list and the order of music I came up with, along with their YouTube video links (I chose videos that I didn't think distracted from the words of the song). I wanted to share it with you in case you find yourself doing a similar project. Oh, and by the way, my slide show ended up being a bit over 340 slides and was a success. The last slide panned a distant photo of the elementary school (above) which then faded away along with the final chord of Billy Joel’s “Lullabye”. Jeeze, even though it has been over a month since the promotion ceremony, I still cry every time I watch the slide show -- the music wrings tears from my heart :-).

“Graduation”, by Vitamin C http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HDM3eYp4KQ

“I Will Remember You”, by Sarah McLachlan http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQtAOuBjysc

“You and Me”, by Dave Matthews Band http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD9CrZODlNA

“Break Away” by Kelly Clarkson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKCGBv65w_M

“Who Says” by Selena Gomez & The Scene http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzE1mX4Px0I&ob=av2e

“Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel) “, Billy Joel http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcnd55tLCv8&feature=artistob&playnext=1&list=TLF9N7YY-EqD4

As a side note, here are a few pieces I considered but didn't end up using:

"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtGY4G7II6s

“Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLOHfn_IuAc

“We Can Change the World”, by Bridgit Mendler http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt8IWL-0q9I

"The Time of Our Lives”, by Tyrone Wells http://www.youtube.com/watch!iQKm3wtcvvo

Please note: it is possible to find lyrics to all of the above songs on the internet. Please use your own discression in deciding if these songs are appropriate for the occassion you are choosing them for.

Thinking of taking a break from blogging

Yep, the title is correct. I found out a porn site based in a foreign country was downloading photos of my young daughter. Violated; with all the blogs in the world, why did that bad person find mine? Sigh.

Since my discovery it has made me feel like taking cover--locking the doors and throwing away the key. I am sad that there are bad people out there. I had wanted to share the beautiful area I live in--with friends, family, and the rest of the world. I had wanted to try and develop my writing skills in hopes it would lead somewhere. But, the last thing I wanted to share was the innocence of my daughter.

So, where to go from here? I haven't decided yet. Meanwhile, I am going to focus my creativity elsewhere. I went to Michaels (a local arts and crafts store) and bought some beautiful paper and stickers to start working on a family scrapbook—a book full of photos of my beautiful children. Photos that will be safe.

Bye for now--

Point Sur Lighthouse, a piece of the past still lighting the present.

My life is not the same anymore, now I have a child in high school—one that plays school sports throughout the entire school year. I find myself missing the carefree days when our children were younger, when holidays were really holidays and there were no sports practices or homework life had to be scheduled around. But, as someone once said, "There is a season for everything", and my son is enjoying the busy life of a teenager. By the time “Presidents Week” hit in February, I had had enough of sports and school, so I grabbed my family and stole away to nearby Point Sur Lighthouse for the day. This activity was leftover from our “Someday Summer List” (a list of a nearby place we have always wanted to visit, but had never taken the time).

There were a few reasons why we had never visited this lighthouse before. It is a bit of a drive for us, they do not take reservations (it is on a “first-come first-served basis), and during the winter months (November through March) they only have tours on Saturdays and Sundays at 10 AM, and on Wednesdays at 1 PM. It is also a bit of a hike to get to the lighthouse, you park your car at the bottom of the hill, and hike the 360 feet elevation gain to the top. Lastly, did I mention it is a three hour tour? Well, after all it takes to get there; it was nice to know we were given three hours of delightful-lighthouse-history for our time! All of these obstacles put aside, what a wonderful afternoon we spent exploring this beautiful beacon that calls Big Sur Coast its home.

Point Sur Lighthouse is on the rock at the very back right hand corner of the photo.

The lighthouse is located 19 miles South of Rio Road in Carmel, off of Highway One. It was built in that location to protect ships from the challenging navigational hazard Point Sur has presented throughout history.

Above and below: The lighthouse is majestically tucked into the north side of a large volcanic rock, where it has faithfully guarded the coastline since 1889.

Entrance to the Point Sur State Historic Park off of Highway One. (And yes, I wish this was my car in the photo, but it's not!)

To begin the tour, we met our tour guide at this gated entrance. There was a short drive across a portion of private property--to the base of the hill, where we parked are car and began a hike to the lighthouse.

Hiking up to the lighthouse. Yep, I was warmly dressed as "Nanook of the North"!

It was very cold and windy the day we went in February, so dressing in layers and wearing comfortable hiking shoes made the trek more enjoyable. A friend of mine that lives in Carmel said, "Light keepers had to tie down their chickens to prevent them from blowing away!" After visiting the blustery hill the lighthouse sits upon, I believed her tale!

It is a leisure hike, the guide stops about every fifteen feet to share history and information about the lighthouse and the surrounding area.

Some interesting facts I learned from this tour (I'm now quoting from the Point Sur State Historic Park pamphlet), “Each lighthouse, lightship, and lightbuoy has a different characteristic, or flash pattern. The difference may be in the length of the flash, the eclipse between flashes, or the color of the flash.” This is the way ships are able to determine their exact location. The pamphlet goes on to say, “Even today, there is no more reassuring sight to a ship returning from sea than the well-known characteristic of a familiar lighthouse.” The Point Sur Lighthouse flashes light out to the sea every six seconds. In comparison, the Point Pinos Lighthouse located just 27 miles to the north has a simple 3-second on/1-second off signature. Point Sur Lighthouse is on the National Register of Historic Places and is a California State Historic Landmark. It is also on the top ten list for haunted lighthouses in the United States. The station is the only remaining complete lightstation in California. I was impressed to see the lighthouse outer buildings are being beautifully restored to the way they appeared at the turn of the 20th century.

What a fun adventure for the whole family. We enjoyed the tales of our informative guide—from the building of the lighthouse, to past shipwrecks of the vicinity. So, if you are ever in the area, I highly recommend taking the time to see this landmark—one that seems to wink at anyone within sight.

Eastward view from the Head Keeper's Dwelling. How would you like to wake up to this view every morning?

The circular staircase inside the lighthouse.

Prisms in the floor of the lantern room allowed the base of the lantern room to be lit by the Fresnel lens (which was moved to the Allen Knight Maritime Museum of Monterey in 1978).

The emergency beacon in case the main lighthouse beacon fails. (It is surprisingly really small!)

The walk back down the stairs inside the lighthouse.

The first building on the left was the Assistant Keepers Dwelling, which originally housed three of the keepers and their families.

Inside the Carpenter/Blacksmith Shop.

The view to the south of the lighthouse.

The view to the north of the lighthouse.

Above and below: plants found on the grounds of the lighthouse.

The walk back down the hill to our car.

The end of a fun adventure and the drive back home along the Big Sur Coast.

For more information go to:

http://www.pointsur.org/

or

http://gocalifornia.about.com/cs/calighthouse/a/lh_ptsur.htm

Just a Few Things I Learned While Dealing With My Husband's Cancer

Note: Many people have been coming to my blog to find info about Lynn Kovach. This blog post is not about her, but is dedicated to her. Lynn's Obituatry:

http://southvalleyobits.com/classifieds/xcCPViewItem.asp?ID=332001
My heart and prayers go out to the Kovach family.

Today I wanted to write about either The Carmel/Monterey Concourse events last August (which was an amazing eclectic mix of amazing cars including priceless Ferraris and Lamborghinis). Or I wanted to write about or recent trip down to Cambria and San Simon, which included an evening tour of Christmas-trimmed Hearst Castle. But after the sudden loss of a friend yesterday to cancer, I feel an obligation to share some of my feelings about dealing with this horrible, horrible disease. So, if you want to bow out now, and catch me next time, I promise my next post will lighter and more entertaining. I am hoping that by sharing what helped me cope during the nine month battle we had with my husband's cancer, it might provide some comfort to others that are fighting this frightening disease.

Before I go any further, I want to say my husband is now in remission! He has to be screened every three months, since the type of cancer he had has a high rate of reoccurrence. His last screening right before Christmas was cancer free :-) Such a nice change from where we were a year and a half ago. Here is a bit about our journey--

On September 4th, 2009, I posted on my Facebook wall, “Feels like my whole world just turned upside down. Unfortunately, the letter "C" still looks like a "C" even upside down...” The words from the Urologist earlier that day, “Your husband has bladder cancer”, felt like someone had physically punched me in the stomach. It hurt to breathe—because breathing made me feel alive, and being alive made me have to deal with the cancer.

My sweet brother-in-law tried to cheer me up, by emailing, “For me, the letter C stands for cookies. And I have always liked cookies.” I appreciated his attempt at humor and diversion. I was scared the following weeks, months, and possibly years, the word that began with the letter “C” would be a dark unwelcomed guest in my household. I wanted to run away from all the pain cancer brought into our family. But through the darkness I had people reach out to me, and give me the comfort and strength I needed to keep going and make it through that hard time in my life. I feel an obligation to pass it forward, to share a bit of what I learned along my journey. And I want you to know for me, the letter “C” now stands for “CURE!”

To those of you who are facing this awful disease, or have a loved one that is, I want you to know my heart goes out to you for it is a difficult journey that lies ahead. I send you my strength, prayers, and positive energy. I hope something that I say here will help you. If it doesn’t seem to apply, or you have heard it before—just skim away! I’m sending this with the best of intentions in hopes of providing comfort and support.

When my hubby was first diagnosed with cancer, we didn’t know how serious it was, or what stage he had. My mind ran away with me and I dwelt in the land of “What Ifs”. What if it had spread to his kidneys? What if I had to support our family? What if he died? WHAT IF . . . ?!” I shared this with a good friend of mine one day, and she looked me right in the eyes and said, “What if NOTHING? What if all things you are worrying about never happen? Or, WHAT IF you use all of your energy on worrying today, instead of living today?” I knew she was right, it was better not to let today be stolen by worries. I learned to live in the moment. And, I am blessed to say, most of the things I had worried about never happened.

I found I felt the best when I surrounded myself with positive people. Fighting cancer seemed to take as much mental energy as it did physical energy. Positive and calm people gave me strength; negative people did just the opposite. It is almost a tangible feeling during such a time of chaos. It is okay to be selfish during this time!

Keep in mind cancer does not play fair. It doesn't go by any rules. Different people respond differently to the disease as well as the treatment. Learn to cherish every good nanosecond of life!

Here are a few quotes which were given to me, that gave me comfort and strength. I have a book I write all of my favorite quotes in, and I often would refer to these quotes when I felt myself getting discouraged (I won’t include scriptures, since I know many of you are probably more familiar with them than I!):

“Give thanks, have faith, keep going!”
–Pierce Brosnan (Don’t get stuck in the cancer—everyday keep doing and thinking about other things.)

“Hope is always an option, as well as a strategy!”
–by ME! (Sometimes you have to really work at having hope—but it is always an option. Even if it is just the hope of having a feeling of “peace”.)

“We get what we focus upon . . . Every thought is a prayer”

–Gill Edwards

“Sometimes God calms the storm, other times he lets the storm rage, and calms His Child.”

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”

“There are two big forces at work, external and internal. We have very little control over external forces such as tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, disasters, illness and pain. What really matters is the internal force. How do I respond to those disasters? Over that I have complete control.”

–Leo Buscaglia

“God usually answers our prayers--not by lifting the burdens and tribulations--but rather by bolstering our capacity to endure them.”

–Brent L. Top

And lastly, take this one with a grain of salt and a sense of humor:
“When you are going through Hell . . . don’t stop!”

Cancer is a rollercoaster ride. It is unpredictable. At one time my husband's cancer was going in a very negative direction, he was not responding to treatment and the doctor scheduled surgery to remove his bladder (last July.) A few weeks before surgery, he had a minor surgery to take more biopsies. The doctor said the lining of the bladder looked raw and red, like it was still infected with cancer. Miraculously, the biopsies came back cancer free. The redness had been a leftover symptom from the BCG treatments. He has had two more cancer screenings since then, and they have both come back negative. We feel like it was a miracle. If you have cancer, or have a loved one battling cancer, I wish a miracle for you too! I will never stop hoping and praying for a cure.

(This post is dedicated to my friend Lynn Kovach who lost her battle with cancer just yesterday.)

The following photos were taken during my husband's cancer treatments at Stanford Cancer Center. The crazy thing, he looked so well, but was so very sick--

Stanford University Medical Center in Palo Alto, California.

Only a few doors down was the clinic where Patrick Swayze had been receiving treatments a few months earlier.

Hubby checking in for one of the fourteen weekly BCG treatments he had to fight bladder cancer.

Me, the designated driver, waiting while my husband had treatment. No photos of him after treatment, he looked too sick. But, it was all necessary and worth it.

The musicians I saw every time we went to the cancer center. They were located right by the clinics where all of the cancer patience’s received their treatments. Their music made you feel like you were in a calm, safe place. Stanford Cancer Center was a wonderful place for my husband to be treated. We had a very positive experience and wonderful doctor!