Note: Many people have been coming to my blog to find info about Lynn Kovach. This blog post is not about her, but is dedicated to her. Lynn's Obituatry:
http://southvalleyobits.com/classifieds/xcCPViewItem.asp?ID=332001
My heart and prayers go out to the Kovach family.
My heart and prayers go out to the Kovach family.
Today I wanted to write about either The Carmel/Monterey Concourse events last August (which was an amazing eclectic mix of amazing cars including priceless Ferraris and Lamborghinis). Or I wanted to write about or recent trip down to Cambria and San Simon, which included an evening tour of Christmas-trimmed Hearst Castle. But after the sudden loss of a friend yesterday to cancer, I feel an obligation to share some of my feelings about dealing with this horrible, horrible disease. So, if you want to bow out now, and catch me next time, I promise my next post will lighter and more entertaining. I am hoping that by sharing what helped me cope during the nine month battle we had with my husband's cancer, it might provide some comfort to others that are fighting this frightening disease.
Before I go any further, I want to say my husband is now in remission! He has to be screened every three months, since the type of cancer he had has a high rate of reoccurrence. His last screening right before Christmas was cancer free :-) Such a nice change from where we were a year and a half ago. Here is a bit about our journey--
Before I go any further, I want to say my husband is now in remission! He has to be screened every three months, since the type of cancer he had has a high rate of reoccurrence. His last screening right before Christmas was cancer free :-) Such a nice change from where we were a year and a half ago. Here is a bit about our journey--
On September 4th, 2009, I posted on my Facebook wall, “Feels like my whole world just turned upside down. Unfortunately, the letter "C" still looks like a "C" even upside down...” The words from the Urologist earlier that day, “Your husband has bladder cancer”, felt like someone had physically punched me in the stomach. It hurt to breathe—because breathing made me feel alive, and being alive made me have to deal with the cancer.
My sweet brother-in-law tried to cheer me up, by emailing, “For me, the letter C stands for cookies. And I have always liked cookies.” I appreciated his attempt at humor and diversion. I was scared the following weeks, months, and possibly years, the word that began with the letter “C” would be a dark unwelcomed guest in my household. I wanted to run away from all the pain cancer brought into our family. But through the darkness I had people reach out to me, and give me the comfort and strength I needed to keep going and make it through that hard time in my life. I feel an obligation to pass it forward, to share a bit of what I learned along my journey. And I want you to know for me, the letter “C” now stands for “CURE!”
To those of you who are facing this awful disease, or have a loved one that is, I want you to know my heart goes out to you for it is a difficult journey that lies ahead. I send you my strength, prayers, and positive energy. I hope something that I say here will help you. If it doesn’t seem to apply, or you have heard it before—just skim away! I’m sending this with the best of intentions in hopes of providing comfort and support.
When my hubby was first diagnosed with cancer, we didn’t know how serious it was, or what stage he had. My mind ran away with me and I dwelt in the land of “What Ifs”. What if it had spread to his kidneys? What if I had to support our family? What if he died? WHAT IF . . . ?!” I shared this with a good friend of mine one day, and she looked me right in the eyes and said, “What if NOTHING? What if all things you are worrying about never happen? Or, WHAT IF you use all of your energy on worrying today, instead of living today?” I knew she was right, it was better not to let today be stolen by worries. I learned to live in the moment. And, I am blessed to say, most of the things I had worried about never happened.
I found I felt the best when I surrounded myself with positive people. Fighting cancer seemed to take as much mental energy as it did physical energy. Positive and calm people gave me strength; negative people did just the opposite. It is almost a tangible feeling during such a time of chaos. It is okay to be selfish during this time!
My sweet brother-in-law tried to cheer me up, by emailing, “For me, the letter C stands for cookies. And I have always liked cookies.” I appreciated his attempt at humor and diversion. I was scared the following weeks, months, and possibly years, the word that began with the letter “C” would be a dark unwelcomed guest in my household. I wanted to run away from all the pain cancer brought into our family. But through the darkness I had people reach out to me, and give me the comfort and strength I needed to keep going and make it through that hard time in my life. I feel an obligation to pass it forward, to share a bit of what I learned along my journey. And I want you to know for me, the letter “C” now stands for “CURE!”
To those of you who are facing this awful disease, or have a loved one that is, I want you to know my heart goes out to you for it is a difficult journey that lies ahead. I send you my strength, prayers, and positive energy. I hope something that I say here will help you. If it doesn’t seem to apply, or you have heard it before—just skim away! I’m sending this with the best of intentions in hopes of providing comfort and support.
When my hubby was first diagnosed with cancer, we didn’t know how serious it was, or what stage he had. My mind ran away with me and I dwelt in the land of “What Ifs”. What if it had spread to his kidneys? What if I had to support our family? What if he died? WHAT IF . . . ?!” I shared this with a good friend of mine one day, and she looked me right in the eyes and said, “What if NOTHING? What if all things you are worrying about never happen? Or, WHAT IF you use all of your energy on worrying today, instead of living today?” I knew she was right, it was better not to let today be stolen by worries. I learned to live in the moment. And, I am blessed to say, most of the things I had worried about never happened.
I found I felt the best when I surrounded myself with positive people. Fighting cancer seemed to take as much mental energy as it did physical energy. Positive and calm people gave me strength; negative people did just the opposite. It is almost a tangible feeling during such a time of chaos. It is okay to be selfish during this time!
Keep in mind cancer does not play fair. It doesn't go by any rules. Different people respond differently to the disease as well as the treatment. Learn to cherish every good nanosecond of life!
Here are a few quotes which were given to me, that gave me comfort and strength. I have a book I write all of my favorite quotes in, and I often would refer to these quotes when I felt myself getting discouraged (I won’t include scriptures, since I know many of you are probably more familiar with them than I!):
“Give thanks, have faith, keep going!”
–Pierce Brosnan (Don’t get stuck in the cancer—everyday keep doing and thinking about other things.)
“Hope is always an option, as well as a strategy!”
–by ME! (Sometimes you have to really work at having hope—but it is always an option. Even if it is just the hope of having a feeling of “peace”.)
“We get what we focus upon . . . Every thought is a prayer”
–Gill Edwards
“Sometimes God calms the storm, other times he lets the storm rage, and calms His Child.”
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”
“There are two big forces at work, external and internal. We have very little control over external forces such as tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, disasters, illness and pain. What really matters is the internal force. How do I respond to those disasters? Over that I have complete control.”
“Sometimes God calms the storm, other times he lets the storm rage, and calms His Child.”
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”
“There are two big forces at work, external and internal. We have very little control over external forces such as tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, disasters, illness and pain. What really matters is the internal force. How do I respond to those disasters? Over that I have complete control.”
–Leo Buscaglia
“God usually answers our prayers--not by lifting the burdens and tribulations--but rather by bolstering our capacity to endure them.”
“God usually answers our prayers--not by lifting the burdens and tribulations--but rather by bolstering our capacity to endure them.”
–Brent L. Top
And lastly, take this one with a grain of salt and a sense of humor:
“When you are going through Hell . . . don’t stop!”
Cancer is a rollercoaster ride. It is unpredictable. At one time my husband's cancer was going in a very negative direction, he was not responding to treatment and the doctor scheduled surgery to remove his bladder (last July.) A few weeks before surgery, he had a minor surgery to take more biopsies. The doctor said the lining of the bladder looked raw and red, like it was still infected with cancer. Miraculously, the biopsies came back cancer free. The redness had been a leftover symptom from the BCG treatments. He has had two more cancer screenings since then, and they have both come back negative. We feel like it was a miracle. If you have cancer, or have a loved one battling cancer, I wish a miracle for you too! I will never stop hoping and praying for a cure.
(This post is dedicated to my friend Lynn Kovach who lost her battle with cancer just yesterday.)
The following photos were taken during my husband's cancer treatments at Stanford Cancer Center. The crazy thing, he looked so well, but was so very sick--
And lastly, take this one with a grain of salt and a sense of humor:
“When you are going through Hell . . . don’t stop!”
Cancer is a rollercoaster ride. It is unpredictable. At one time my husband's cancer was going in a very negative direction, he was not responding to treatment and the doctor scheduled surgery to remove his bladder (last July.) A few weeks before surgery, he had a minor surgery to take more biopsies. The doctor said the lining of the bladder looked raw and red, like it was still infected with cancer. Miraculously, the biopsies came back cancer free. The redness had been a leftover symptom from the BCG treatments. He has had two more cancer screenings since then, and they have both come back negative. We feel like it was a miracle. If you have cancer, or have a loved one battling cancer, I wish a miracle for you too! I will never stop hoping and praying for a cure.
(This post is dedicated to my friend Lynn Kovach who lost her battle with cancer just yesterday.)
The following photos were taken during my husband's cancer treatments at Stanford Cancer Center. The crazy thing, he looked so well, but was so very sick--
Stanford University Medical Center in Palo Alto, California.
Only a few doors down was the clinic where Patrick Swayze had been receiving treatments a few months earlier.
Hubby checking in for one of the fourteen weekly BCG treatments he had to fight bladder cancer.
Me, the designated driver, waiting while my husband had treatment. No photos of him after treatment, he looked too sick. But, it was all necessary and worth it.
The musicians I saw every time we went to the cancer center. They were located right by the clinics where all of the cancer patience’s received their treatments. Their music made you feel like you were in a calm, safe place. Stanford Cancer Center was a wonderful place for my husband to be treated. We had a very positive experience and wonderful doctor!
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Elaine, I always read; I just don't always comment. As always, great post. My sympathy at the loss of your good friend. Like my friend who was dying of ovarian cancer said, "Life doesn't work by the merit system." That is true. I hope your husband stays cancer-free. <3
ReplyDeleteElaine, thanks for your inspiring message. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. This last few years I have attended more funerals than I have my whole life. I'm often happy for a person who has been suffering, but I am more sad for those who are left behind. It's as though some of that suffering that is felt transfers to the living. I miss the friends I can no longer talk to.
ReplyDeleteI have a favorite quote by Elder Russell M. Nelson. He said, ""we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life." This gives me a little piece of hope when I am saddest.
With you, I am glad that Burke is doing so well.That was a difficult time, for the two of you more than anyone. Thank you for your strength through all if it. I have learned a lot from you about living life with a greater intensity and making all those nanoseconds count.
Thank you Patty, for taking time to write a comment, for being a loyal reader, and for being an awesome friend!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your amazing comment John! I really enjoyed your reading your thoughts. I also LOVED the quote--it is just what I needed to hear. It has made its way into my quote book!