The Road Not Taken

A few months back I was looking for a part time job, to help pay for my husband’s mounting medical bills and to fill my time with something other than “cancer-worry”. A good friend of mine told me about an opening at a medical office where she worked; it was a part time front desk position.

I realized this wasn’t the dream job I had gone to college 5 years for, but I needed a job that would allow me to help with my husband with his medical appointments, be at home when my kids were home from school, and shuttle the kids to their after school activities. My friend thought the office would be flexible enough to allow me to work during my children's school hours. Unfortunately when I went in to interview for the job, I was told they needed someone to work from
1 P.M. to 5 P.M. I was also told by the office manager the last time they advertised this job position they had over 500 applicants. I should feel very lucky, because they were offering me the job on the spot. (The fact that my friend, who worked there, had recommended me carried a lot of clout.)

Nothing like pressure! I was so torn, I knew I needed the job, and it was a good one. But, the hours were all wrong. I needed to be home when my kids were at home. My children needed as much stability as possible while my husband was going through cancer treatments. I didn’t feel good about accepting the job, so reluctantly, I turned it down.

Afterwards, I kept wondering how I could have made this job possibly work, but I soon learned the position had been filled. I couldn't believe I had turned this job down in the current economy.

Life has its curious twists and turns, and in less than a month, a friend of mine asked me if I would like to work for her family business. They needed someone to work part time, from 10 A.M. to
2 P.M. The pay was almost the same as the medical position I had interviewed for. I was thrilled at the opportunity and quickly accepted the job. The hours of work slipped easily into my life. The past month of work has passed by quickly, but being a woman I have wondered if I made the “best decision”, and have pondered what the “road not taken” (or in this situation, the “job not taken”) would have been like. In this case, I found out.

Today I spoke with my friend who works at the medical office. She said yesterday, the lady who was working at the front desk (and that probably would have been ME if I had accepted the job) had taken the office garbage out to the large dumpster behind the office building at 5 P.M. She was attacked by a man wearing a hoodie and a surgical mask, he beat her and repeatedly slammed her face against the sidewalk. She was finally able to turn and scratch her attacker’s eyes and get away.

There had never been anything like this happen in the building complex, this was the first time. It haunted me that the lady who interviewed me had this happen to her. But what bothered me more is knowing that I would have been the one taking out the trash at that time, if I had accepted the job!

Sometimes I'll never know what “the road not taken” is like. Sometimes, in rare occasions like this, I have been given a glimpse. Whew! I’m counting my blessings.

These are a few of my favorite things . . .

When I was a young child one of my favorite movies was the Sound of Music. I loved all of the music, but the chorus from the song, “My Favorite Things” has been playing in my mind lately. If you are not familiar with it--you have been living under a rock-- and here it is:

When the dog bites

When the bee stings

When I'm feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don't feel so bad

Part of my life’s coping strategy is to do things that bring me happiness when I am going through hard times. So, when the opportunity came during Spring Break, our family took off to spend time at a couple of local places that really are among “my favorite things”. We were able to go to The Monterey Bay Aquarium and

Pt. Lobos National Reserve with some good friends of ours. I feel like getting out and around nature really is medicine for my soul. Here are some photos from two of my most favorite places, starting with Monterey Bay Aquarium.

A friend of ours works at the aquarium, so she took us behind the scenes to have a one-on-one visit with the resident albatross—it loved Burke.
The albatross is such a beautiful bird, and really is intelligent, I don't know why they have such a bad rap of the saying, "Like an albatross around your neck", meaning something that is an encumbrance, or a wearisome burden. Our friend has let us visit this bird a few times, and I will never think negative of a albatross again.

We are soooo very blessed to have great friends as next door neighbors. We were happy to have them join us at the aquarium and later on at Pt. Lobos.

The aquarium has a fantastic new flamingo exhibit that opened the end of March.

Just a few of the new flamingos at the exhibit.

They also have a fabulous new salt water aquarium. If you have ever had a salt water aquarium, you will realize how difficult it is to have a tank like this, with so many fish. It was beautiful!

The Monterey Bay Aquarium is also very famous for its jellyfish exhibits. Who knew there were so many different types of jellies?

Check out this exotic looking seahorse--very beautiful!

And some more seahorses. They look like floating lettuce leaves. There are three of them here, can you find them?
After a day at the aquarium, we spent a day at Pt. Lobos State Reserve, just south of Carmel. This is one of my most favorite places on the planet. I would go here every day if I could. The scenery is breathtaking. The weather was so warm that day, the kids played on the beach for hours. Ahhh, as I said earlier, medicine for my soul. I love, love, love this place!

The kids exploring the beach. A Canadian Goose kept landing in a fresh water river nearby, so the kids went to check it out.

View along Pt. Lobos.

I hope you enjoyed the photos of just a few of my favorite things. If you ever want to spend the day with me, now you know where I will take you :-)

Life's Switchbacks

I experienced driving on my first switchback when I was a very young child and my family spent the day in the nearby Zion National Park. Going to the park always included a drive through the Zion-Mt Carmel Tunnel. This tunnel holds a special meaning to my family, because my father helped build it when he was a teenager. Upon its completion in 1930, the 1.1 mile long tunnel was the longest tunnel of its type in the United States and was considered an engineering marvel of its time.

Unfortunately, to enter the tunnel from the Westside, you have to drive through a series of switchbacks, a zigzag road arranged for climbing the steep grade. I recall the hairpin turns as we drove up the road, the upper road looping very closely at times to the road we had driven on below.

I have been thinking of those switchbacks in Zion National Park lately, because I feel like the road of life can also contain switchbacks. A hairpin turn symbolizing a trial and the road below symbolizing one’s past.

The current “life’s switchback” I am experiencing is my husband’s fight with cancer, reminding me of my Grandmother Florence Shamo’s fight with tuberculosis. Her road seems so very close to mine right now--I can almost feel her presence. Let me explain the similarity. I’ll begin by telling you of the unforeseen hairpin turn the road in her life took; here is her story.

One harsh winter day in Mandan North Dakota, Florence was bringing her horses home from town when a blizzard hit. The storm caught her by surprise and she soon found herself surrounded by a white-out, where the snow was so thick she couldn’t find her way home. She stood in the raging storm while holding desperately onto the horses until the blizzard passed. At twenty-six years of age, she had grown up quickly, marrying her sweetheart at the age of sixteen and having four beautiful children within a short period of time. So when her exposure from the cold developed into the racking cough of consumption, her devoted husband did all that he could to save her. The doctor felt her only hope was to move to the sunny dry climate of Arizona. Unfortunately her beautiful frail body couldn’t handle the long journey. Upon reaching Hurricane, Utah with her husband and young family, she could travel no further. She succumbed to Tuberculosis in 1918, while only twenty-eight years old. A mere three years later, an effective treatment was dicovered for this horrible disease.

I am now leaving the hairpin turn of my Grandmother’s experience behind and am moving on to my own. In September, 2009, my husband Burke was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer. The current most successful treatment for this type of cancer is Bacillus Calmette-Guerin (BCG). BCG is also used in some countries as a vaccine to provide protection against tuberculosis (TB). Here is the clincher: my husband is being treated at Stanford Cancer Center with the same medicine that could have saved my Grandmother Florence’s life.

I wish it could have been different for my Grandmother. I have hopes it will be different for my husband. As I look at this “life’s switchback”, I am grateful to live during a time where technology exists to cure diseases which killed people just a generation ago. Seeing that a cure was found for Tuberculosis gives me hope a cure for cancer can also be found.

Burke goes in for his biopsy surgery tomorrow to see if the fourteen weeks of BCG Treatment was successful. Of course, prayers, good wishes, chants, coins in the fountain, etc. are welcome!

Have you ever experienced “life’s switchbacks’? I would love to hear if you have!

The Winds of Change

I awoke to a cloudy, windy day. I don’t like the winds, I never have—a bit ironic for someone that was raised in a town called
“Hurricane”. I feel like the unruly gusts of air leave behind an echoing hollowness of unrest. As though they threaten to blow away all that I know and love.

The tempest is not only outside my bedroom window, it seems to have crept inside me--when I wasn’t looking. I thought I was being so strong lately, but the winds of change have caught me by surprise, and are knocking down all of the walls that I have built to keep my life safe and peaceful.

The first big gale hit earlier this week. Burke admitted that he has still been having symptoms his cancer is there, and that the 14 weeks of treatments have not worked. This reality has swept away my hopes that life could go back to normal very soon. Burke has already scheduled his bladder removal surgery for May.

The force of this emotional cyclone of cancer has taken its toll on our family and I have tried to put my head down and keep moving forward through this storm. As a friend of mine put it more precisely with a quote she shared with me, “When going through Hell, don’t stop!” I have tried not to “stop” and wallow in self-pity while dealing with my husband’s cancer.

I thought I was doing pretty well forging through life's storms, until the force of another squall hit today. Burke’s boss called and told him that one of the people in Burke’s group at work will have to be laid-off. There are only four people in Burke’s group. He wanted to give Burke the opportunity to transfer within the company to Sterling Heights, Michigan. Wow, I don’t know how I would ever survive a winter there, after living in sunny California for the last 28 years. How could I leave the place I call home, a place I love so dearly? Also, how could we leave Stanford Hospital where he has been receiving treatment? And, if Burke were to be laid-off, who would hire someone who has cancer?

It is now very late at night. I can’t hear the wind outside anymore. I am glad it has stopped and left behind the stillness of peace and quite in the darkness. I hope the storms of my life will also calm down soon, very soon.

Finding the Fountain of Youth

I had Key Lime Pie instead of cake for my birthday a few weeks ago. The pie was delicious, but growing older . . . well, it has taken me this long to blog about it, since I am still suffering from shell shock of the mounting years. This “state of shock” has been happening to me on my past few birthdays—I can’t believe how old I am getting! But, no matter how I look at it, there are no good alternatives in escaping growing old. As I contemplate this predicament, the book Tuck Everlasting comes to mind, a story about a family that remains ageless, while everyone else grows older. The book described how sad that life would be, one filled with the continuing loss of loved ones and also of boredom from being stuck in time.


And, there was also the “time-twist” in the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, where a man is born old and grows younger throughout his life. Both stories showed the disastrous effects of what life would be like to not grow old with those you love. To be eternally young is not a good solution, even if it that were a valid possibility.


After pondering the sadness of the above scenarios, I began thinking of other options; ones that wouldn’t stop the aging process, but would help slow it down. The list I came up with was not original: eating healthy, keeping your weight down, staying fit, and even plastic surgery.

I did think of another anti-aging idea I found comforting, and felt like it doesn’t get the attention it deserves, possibly because it can’t be commercialized. This idea represents a state of mind rather than a state of being, as described by the list above. It is the notion of “timeless” relationships with people; relationships that are so meaningful they make you feel ageless. A life-long childhood friend could fall into this category, which in my book is even better because they remember what you looked like in your “prime”! You can laugh and talk with them about the good old high school days. Your conversation and your connection with them make you feel young again. Another example is friends that you share a hobby or interest, where time spent with them takes on a youthful-ageless quality. Also in this “timeless” category are family members, ones that you love to spend time with and feel life would be incomplete without them. And of course there must be laughter—laughing is an ageless trait.

Maybe the real solution in finding the Fountain of Youth is in finding “timeless relationships”. If someone makes a connection with the “timeless spirit” inside of you, it doesn’t matter how old your earthly body becomes. These types of friendships may not come easily—they take time and nurturing to develop. For me personally, I have had to be taught by others who know the secret of becoming a “timeless friend”. Unfortunately making friends does not come very naturally to me, and I apologize to many of my “timeless friends” that may be reading this; I am glad they haven’t given up on me! And as I have grown older, these friends have become even more priceless to me. They are my Fountain of Youth—making me feel young, validated, and happy.

So, as my birthdays continue to come faster, and the years seem to feel more exponential, I hope I can continue to surround myself with those people who remind me my spirit is timeless, and to grow old with them is a privilege.